


Lean on Us

by Redpanda18



Category: TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Jimin is a good hyung, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, POV Third Person, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Separation Anxiety, Verbal Abuse, taehyun centric, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-10
Updated: 2020-01-11
Packaged: 2021-04-22 17:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22194340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redpanda18/pseuds/Redpanda18
Summary: Taehyun loves and trusts all the members of TXT. They're his second family and he knows he can tell them anything, but he's terrified to tell them about his past home life. He knows he needs to tell them soon but he doesn't know how. However, when an argument breaks out between two members Taehyun is forced to face his problems and finally reveal his longest-held secret.
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Kang Taehyun, Choi Soobin/Kang Taehyun, Choi Yeonjun/Kang Taehyun, Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun, Kang Taehyun/Everyone
Comments: 26
Kudos: 474





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I am not an expert on PTSD and anxiety, but there are mentions of it. If these subjects are sensitive to you please read with caution and there may be possible triggers in this piece. Thank you for reading and enjoy!

Taehyun is close with all the members and he knows that he can tell them anything, but he hasn’t yet found the time to tell them about his longest kept secret. The members know he doesn’t really like to talk about his family, but he hasn’t ever told them why, and they’ve never pushed him to. It’s not that he doesn’t trust them, but he just doesn’t know how to bring it up, he’s never had a reason to.

He generally avoids talking about his family because it brings back bad memories and he just doesn’t know what to say. His parents were constantly arguing when he and his siblings were growing up. It wasn’t always that way, but it really started getting bad when he was in middle school. Nearly all his memories of his parents consist of him hiding in his room trying to ignore the sounds of his parents arguing and occasionally throwing something against the wall. His siblings tried to help by acting like nothing was happening, but in a way that made him feel worse. He wanted to talk about it and feel like he was less alone, but his siblings were set on forgetting that anything was wrong.

It didn’t help that he didn’t have many friends in school either. He can be extraverted when he wants to, but the issues at home just encouraged him to retreat into his introverted shell even more. He’s never seen his introverted nature as a problem, but it certainly didn’t help at a time when he was already fearful of trusting anyone. It wasn’t often that his parents dragged him into their problems, but it wasn’t out of the realm of possibility. Sometimes, he would come home and find himself being forced to choose which parent was right or he would be facing a lecture on how he’s the cause of all the problems in their family. There was always something he was doing wrong, and more often than not, one of his parents would end up storming out of the house. 

He could cope with arguing ok. Usually, he would just hide in his room and put in some earbuds. The aggressive yelling was one of the worst things and he assumes this is part of the reason he gets frightened by loud sounds. The constant criticism was also difficult, but the thing he hated most was when one of his parents would storm out of the house after an argument. Every time they fought, Taehyun would find himself getting extremely anxious over who would leave this time and if they would even come back. His parents always returned in the end, but it didn’t frighten him any less, and sometimes one of them would even say they were going to abandon the family for good. He always hated when they said that because they were the only people he had, and if they left then he would really be alone. Even if they weren’t the best people, he didn’t have many, if any, people he could trust outside of their family.

  
  


He endured all the fighting and toxic behavior all the way until high school when he started aiming to become a k-pop idol. And once he became a real trainee, it was a huge relief for various reasons, the main one being that he didn’t have to live at home anymore. He remembers his first day at the dorm. Even though they all went to bed way too late and some of the other boys were way too loud, it was a thousand times better than any night he’d had in the last couple of years. He would even take hours of excruciating practice, horrible sleep, and then school the next day without complaint because he still saw that as an improvement over his home life.

It took him a while to warm up to the other members of TXT due to his past, but now he trusts them fully. Their quirky and open personalities also made it easier for him to connect to them. Kai was probably the easiest for Taehyun to get along with because they’re the same age and the slightly younger boy has such an innocent air about him that just draws people in. Something about Kai just makes Taehyun want to protect him and be his friend. He also found Beomgyu easy to get along with once the older boy dropped his serious facade and let his goofy and crackhead behavior shine through. It took him longer to get to know Soobin and Yeonjun because he was originally intimidated by them, but now he knows that they’re both just sweet at heart and also still very childlike. 

He’s been doing much better now that he isn’t living at home. He has strong relationships with all the members now, he has friends at school, and his siblings even occasionally text him to see how he’s doing. His sister has even asked him how he’s putting up with their parents. Of course, he told her that he doesn’t see them that often now because of his idol life and high school, but she still checks in on him about it. He doesn’t really keep in touch with his parents and he rarely seems them because he chooses to avoid them. However, when he does visit, the atmosphere is still as tense as it was when he was a kid so he opts not to stay long. He’d rather avoid the place that caused him so much pain.

Taehyun likes to believe that he’s over what happened in the past, but deep down he knows he’s not and that maybe he never will be. He’s definitely improved, but he’s not over it. Sometimes, he’ll have nightmares about his parents hurting him or one of his siblings which will never cease to terrify him. It’s not often, but there are some things that do trigger his bad memories, like when he sees people physically fighting, yelling loudly, or an unexpected loud sound. He also sometimes finds it hard when he’s at the dorm alone or when one of the members has to leave for their own schedule. Some part of his brain still tells him that there’s a possibility that one of his hyungs will actually abandon him and it’s terrifying. He knows it won’t happen, but that doesn’t stop him from thinking about it. 

Obviously, the members have fought before. That’s what happens when you’re in a group, especially if you live together. However, there’s never been a super serious argument between any of them and it’s never gotten physical. Soobin made sure to establish that when they all moved into the dorms. He said that physical fights are absolutely not allowed. Taehyun does get anxious when any of them fight, even more so when he’s involved, but still it’s never induced an anxiety attack for him. He’s not entirely sure why, but he’ll take it for now.

He’s grateful for all the opportunities he’s had since becoming part of TXT, and he’s especially grateful for the members who have always been patient with him and supported him in their own ways. That’s a major reason he wants to share about his past, but he also thinks it will help ease some of his anxiety by sharing how he’s feeling. He trusts all his brothers and he wants to tell them, but he doesn’t know how.

This leads him to his current predicament. He’s decided that he’s going to tell the members tonight. It’s the third Friday of the month which means it’s movie night after practice, so they’re all going to be home at the same time. This means he can tell them all at once. He’s been planning this for a while now, but it’s much different when it’s actually the day he has to execute it. He’s currently writing out exactly what he wants to say tonight on a piece of paper. It looks pretty good on paper, but he knows that it’s going to be much harder when he actually has to say it out loud. Writing out what he wants to say has always helped him. He likes to think that he’s in control and it is almost an outlet that helps him ease his nervousness a bit before he actually has to say anything. He feels a little weird about writing this out since it’s just the members, but he’s also irrationally terrified about their reaction. If writing everything out helps then he’s going to do it. He just hopes that everything goes smoothly. 

Taehyun finishes writing one last sentence when a knock on the door startles him. He snaps his head up and meets Beomgyu’s amused face.

“What are you doing?” The older boy asks lightly.

“Just something I’ve been working on for a while,” Taehyun answers vaguely.

Beomgyu narrows his eyes at him but Taehyun just laughs.

“Don’t worry hyung! You’ll get it soon.”

  
  


“That’s really suspicious Taehyunnie, but I trust you so I _ guess _it’s fine,” Beomgyu drawls, “Anyway, we’re leaving soon so I came to get you.”

“Oh ok.”  
  
The vocalist quickly folds the piece of paper, shoves it under his pillow, and grabs his phone before following Beomgyu out to the living room. Kai is busy hanging off of Soobin like usual, and Yeonjun is already dressed and ready to go. He’s got his shoes on though so he just leans against the door waiting for the rest of the members to hurry up since he doesn’t want to take his shoes off just to step back into the room. 

“Kai! Seriously get off, we have to leave or we’re going to be late,” the leader complains.

“Then just carry me!”

“No. You’re too heavy.”  
  
That comment immediately causes Kai to start whining and Taehyun knows the leader will have to give in now if he wants them to leave the dorm anytime today. Meanwhile, the vocalist makes his way over to the door, shrugs on his jacket, and tries to find a pair of shoes to wear. When he leans over to tie his right shoe, he feels someone ruffle his hair and hears Yeonjun’s fond laugh.

“What?” He asks without looking up.

“Nothing. You just look extra squishable today.”

“What does that even mean?”

“It means Yeonjun-hyung’s probably going to be hanging off you a lot today,” Beomgyu helpfully supplies.

“Even more than Kai with Soobin-hyung?” Taehyun teases.

The other two laugh at that. Yeonjun just smirks at him afterward and Taehyun takes that for a yes. He doesn’t really mind though. After about ten more minutes of shuffling around, they all finally make it out of the dorm and into the car where the driver quickly pulls out. If they weren’t late before, they definitely are now. Considering how energetic everyone was just a few moments later, Taehyun’s surprised at how quickly they all fell asleep in the car. Kai is passed out and leaning against the car window on his right, Beombyu is asleep in the passenger’s seat, and Soobin and Yeonjun have also drifted off in the back. It doesn’t surprise him too much though, they haven’t been getting a lot of sleep with all the late practices lately. To be honest, he should be trying to get a quick power nap in too, but his brain is too active for that to happen right now. 

Taehyun ends up just playing aimlessly on his phone the whole time until they arrive. He needs something to distract him from freaking out about the talk tonight and he doesn’t want to wake up one of the members. He finishes a couple of YouTube videos by the time they finally arrive and at that point, most of the members are awake except for Soobin. Taehyun considers playing a prank on their leader but then ultimately decides not to when he sees how tired he looks. A familiar sense of guilt starts to settle in his stomach, but he tries not to let it totally consume him. The doors to the car open up and the members all pile out. Taehyun watches Yeonjun jostle their leader awake before he steps out himself.

Taehyun easily falls into step behind Beomgyu and Kai, who look full of energy, as they practically race each other to the entertainment building. It doesn’t take long though before Soobin appears on his left side and Yeonjun on his right and the rapper slings an arm around Taehyun’s shoulders. 

“Have a nice nap?”

“I actually didn’t sleep,” the singer responds, but he quickly explains himself when he sees Yeonjun narrow his eyes. “I got a lot of sleep last night so I’m not really that tired,” he lies.

He prays that his hyung doesn’t see right through him, and luckily, the older boy drops the subject.

“Ok. Well, you’ll definitely be tired tonight. I think we’re in for another late night with all the dances we have to go over.”

Taehyun sighs and Soobin and Yeonjun both give him sympathetic looks.

“It’ll be ok,” Soobin reassures and Taehyun gives him a small smile.

“Thanks, hyung.”

He misses the look the two oldest share as he quickly jogs on ahead to try and see what Kai and Beomgyu are up to.

“We should talk to him,” the rapper whispers.

Soobin sighs as he watches the maknae line mess around in the hallway.

“I know, but I don’t want to push him too much.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s been weeks and I know he hasn’t been sleeping. Something is obviously wrong, it’s not just the nightmares.”   
  
“I know I know. He’s been pulling away recently. I think it’s something serious, he usually comes to us with everything but something about this is holding him back. That’s why I don’t want to force him to tell us.”

Yeonjun sighs.

“Fine. We’ll give him a few days. If he doesn’t tell us by then, I think we should confront him about it. I think it’s doing more harm than good to let him keep stalling, but yeah I don’t want him to think we’re forcing him to tell us,” the rapper explains.

“Ok. That sounds like a plan. Until then, we’ll just go at his pace ok?”

  
  
“Alright,” Yeonjun shrugs. 

The hyung line enters the practice room shortly after the maknaes do and go to put their water bottles on top of the cabinet. Beomgyu is animatedly talking about something and Kai is nodding just as enthusiastically while Taehyun just smiles at both of them. He’s perfectly content to just watch the other two talk right now. Soobin tells them to stretch for a few minutes and then they’ll start. Taehyun finds himself partnered with Kai a few seconds later and the two of them fall into a nice routine. The maknae does a stretch, Taehyun helps, and then they switch. 

It’s going smoothly overall, but at some point, something in the atmosphere changes. Taehyun can’t tell exactly what it is, but it’s making him jittery. He’s suddenly hyperaware of what’s happening and keeps flickering his eyes around to see what’s going on. When he glances to his right, he sees Soobin and Yeonjun having a heated whisper battle. He can’t hear what they’re saying, but their facial expressions look tense. He quickly averts his eyes and goes back to staring at the floor as Kai helps him stretch. He can feel the youngest’s fingers on his back as if they’re on fire. It’s like he can feel each of Kai’s individual fingers digging into his skin even though it makes no logical sense.

  
Taehyun sucks in a deep breath to try and ground himself. He knows this feeling. He can feel his anxiety starting to spike and he needs to rein it in now before it gets worse. The brunette focuses on the sound and sensation of his breathing in an attempt to block out all the other senses his brain is trying to overload him with. He’s probably overreacting for nothing. Soobin and Yeonjun are fine. They’re probably just excited about whatever they’re talking about. Before he can start to question that statement and maybe the two actually are fighting, Soobin breaks the silence.

“Alright, guys. Let’s start. We’ve got a lot to do today but I know we can do it. Let’s start by going over Crown first.”

Taehyun feels when Kai retracts his hands by the loss of heat. The maknae helps him up before heading to his own position and Taehyun watches as Beomgyu heads to the front. Everyone is getting ready, he needs to move. He tunes out the sound of his footsteps and other unnecessary information as he makes his way to his spot for the first part of Crown. If he just focuses on one thing then it’s less overwhelming. Taehyung makes it to his position and then the music starts seconds later. He then shifts his focus to remembering the choreography to try and distract himself from everything else going on. He just needs to hold on for a few more hours and then he can rest.

  
  
  
  


* * *

It’s almost eight at night now and all of them are exhausted. They’ve been taking breaks, but it hasn’t been enough. The choreographer is being very particular today and he’s showing them very little mercy. He’s been criticizing everyone but Beomgyu and Soobin have been receiving it the most. He can tell that everyone’s reaching the end of their rope and he prays that the dance instructor will release them soon. Soobin looks extremely tense and Beomgyu looks a mixture of defeated and frustrated. The energy in the room has shifted and it’s making Taehyun anxious to the point of wanting to be sick. It happens occasionally when he’s really tense, but he hasn’t experienced it in a while.

The dance instructor suddenly sighs and runs a hand over his face. Taehyun feels his stomach drop in anticipation and his mind starts to race with all the different situations this could lead to.

“Ok. Let’s end for today. It seems like you guys are too distracted right now so we’re going to stop here. But I expect you to come in earlier tomorrow and focused so we can get everything done. We’re behind now, but if we keep pushing tonight I know it will just get sloppier. See you guys tomorrow bright and early at six.”

His sneakers echo loudly in Taehyun’s ears as he walks away and the five of them watch the door shut heavily behind him. Soobin moves first and trudges over to the wall where he flops down and aggressively grabs his water bottle. The rest of them quietly grab their own bottles and try not to disturb the leader. They’re all wary of what’s going to happen and none of them want to aggravate the older. At least that’s what Taehyun thinks until he sees Yeonjun approach the rigid lead vocalist.

“Soobin-ah, do you want help with your part in Run Away?”

Nothing about Yeonjun’s body language or his facial expression reveals any sort of frustration at the vocalist. In fact, he looks very neutral and like he genuinely wants to help, except that’s not how Soobin interprets it. It might be the stress and the fact that he was constantly getting drilled during practice, but Soobin snaps. He stares at Yeonjun for a solid four seconds before responding.

  
“Thanks, hyung, but I’m ok. I don’t need someone else on my case too,” the leader replies slowly.

Yeonjun freezes and he opens his mouth in shock at the unusual sass. Soobin is never this blatantly disrespectful and it’s throwing them all for a loop. Yeonjun shakes his head and then looks Soobin in the eye once he recovers.

“What did you just say?”

Taehyun feels his breath catch and he has to tell himself to breathe normally. He sees Beomgyu and Kai also freeze up in his peripheral vision._ Please don’t fight please don’t fight _ the vocalist repeats in his head. The tension in the air is thick and it reminds Taehyun too much of how things were right before his parents would fight. Soobin has never been so aggressive before and Yeonjun has never reacted to it like this either. At this point, he has no idea where this is going to go.

“Forget it. I’ll figure it out myself. Thanks for offering though,” the leader mumbles, but it’s horribly sarcastic.

“Soobin. What is wrong with you?” Yeonjun asks harshly.

“Nothing. I told you I’m fine. I’m just tired.”

  
  
“And we aren’t?!” The rapper suddenly shouts.

Taehyun shrinks back and lowers his gaze to the floor. He can’t watch. He can’t watch his hyungs fight, he doesn’t want to see them yelling at each other like his parents did.

“That’s not what I said. I know you guys are tired too,” Soobin says lowly.

Yeonjun lets out an exasperated sigh and raises his hands up in a defeated gesture.

“Then why are you snapping at me?” 

Soobin abruptly stands up to try and gain some advantage over the oldest. He steps forward so he can use his height and glares down at the rapper.

  
“Hyung. I’m asking you nicely to please back off.”   
  
Obviously, that was not the right thing to say because a moment later Yeonjun steps in closer to try and get in Soobin’s space. There’s a beat of silence while the two of them exchange heated gazes, each trying to intimidate the other, and then the yelling starts. 

Watching the two oldest argue and try to blame each other for different things throws Taehyun back to when he was a kid and having to watch his parents scream at each other. Soobin and Yeonjun aren’t as loud, but the anger is still very much present and his fear is still very much real. He wants to do something, he needs to do something. He needs to apologize, he’s not sure where it’s coming from but he feels responsible for what’s happening right now. Maybe if he had worked harder or tried to lighten the mood when Soobin was still receptive this wouldn’t be happening.

Beomgyu watches their two hyungs fight with a mixture of horror and shock. They’ve never argued like this before and it’s honestly really scary. He has no idea what to do. He wants to do something but he doesn’t know what. He definitely doesn’t want to make the situation worse. When he glances to his right though, what he sees is almost worse than Soobin and Yeonjun’s fight. Kai’s eyes are wide with fear and he looks just as scared as Beomgyu feels, but Taehyun’s state is by far the worst and most concerning. He’s shaking with what Beomgyu assumes is fear, he looks far too pale, and he looks absolutely terrified. The fact that he’s pushed himself all the way back against the wall and is trying to make himself even smaller just makes it worse. Taehyun is usually the most composed of all of them, even though they’ve told him he can let down his walls around them, so the fact that he’s on the verge of tears tells Beomgyu something is seriously wrong.

Luckily, Kai also seems to notice this and goes to try and ask his friend what’s wrong. That’s all the prompting Beomgyu needs before he’s on his feet and trying to break Soobin and Yeonjun up. He decides to latch onto Soobin first since he’s the closest and goes to capture the leader’s right arm that’s pointing at the rapper.

“Hyung stop!” The blonde yells.

When Soobin shrugs him off he decides to change tactics and grabs a fistful of Soobin’s shirt and tries to pull him away. That doesn’t work either so Beomgyu, in an act of desperation, worms his way in between his hyungs and stretches his arms out to try and push them apart. He hopes that at least his presence in the middle will stop them because he assumes that they don’t want to hurt him. Luckily, he’s right. Unfortunately, they don’t look any less angry.

“You know what? I’m done. I’m going to go take a walk before I say anything else I regret. See you at the dorm,” Yeonjun states coldly.

He marches over to the cabinet, grabs his jacket and phone and then storms out of the room. The door slams behind him and the four other members are left in disbelief. Soobin hadn’t stopped the rapper, but Beomgyu thinks that was for the best. If they had tried to force him to stay then it really would have gotten even uglier. Beomgyu looks past Soobin to try and locate Kai and Taehyun when he suddenly realizes that their second youngest member is missing.

“Where’s Taehyun!?” The dancer asks desperately.

Soobin whips around to where Beomgyu is staring and is met with only Kai looking back at the two of them with frightened eyes.

“I-I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I went to touch him and ask him what was wrong but then he flinched so hard and I got scared and I let him go and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to,” the maknae rambles.

Kai is panicking now and it’s heartbreaking to see. It wasn’t his fault at all and they need to let him know that. Soobin drops to his knees and Beomgyu feels his chest tighten in anxiety, but then the leader just reaches over to gently tug Kai’s hoodie as an invitation for a hug. The maknae takes it and lets Soobin pull him into his lap and Kai wraps his arms around the leader’s middle in return. Soobin softly pets his head as he lets Kai cry and calm down while he attempts to apologize.

“I’m sorry Hyuka. Hyung’s sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I was just frustrated and I took it out on Yeonjun-hyung. I didn’t mean anything I said. I’m sorry you had to see that. I’ll talk to Yeonjun-hyung when he gets back and apologize. We’re ok, I promise.”

After a few more minutes of sniffling and reassuring, Kai finally sits up and rubs at his eyes. Beomgyu and Soobin feel their hearts melt at his cuteness, but they also feel guilt tug at them from how tired he looks.

“I forgive you hyung. I know that you didn’t mean it so as long as you apologize to Yeonjun-hyung I guess it’s ok. Just don’t do it again, that was scary.”  
  
At the mention of the word scary, Beomgyu is jolted back to reality.

“We have to find Taehyun. Kai, do you have any idea where he went?”

  
  
The maknae frowns and his eyebrows draw together in worry.

“I’m not sure. He bolted out of here, but just knowing his personality I think he probably went somewhere quiet and dark. He does that at the dorm when he gets stressed like he’ll turn all the lights out in the room and huddle under the bed sometimes.”

Soobin isn’t sure what to make of that explanation, but it is helpful. He’s not entirely sure if that’s a great coping method, but he’ll have to save asking about it for later. They have to find Taehyun first.

“Ok. Let’s split up and look. Everyone take your phone and call if you find him. I’ll call Yeonjun-hyung and let him know what’s going on,” the leader explains calmly.

“Hyung are you sure?” Beomgyu asks lightly.

Soobin doesn’t have to ask to know what Beomgyu means. He’s wondering if he’ll be able to stay in control when he talks to Yeonjun. The leader stands up and rests a comforting hand on Beomgyu’s shoulder.  
  
“I’ve got it. Thank you,” he smiles genuinely.

He sees Beomgyu visibly relax before nodding and moving to go get his phone. The three of them quickly make a plan and then Soobin sends the other two off before he dials Yeonjun’s number. Once Beomgyu and Kai are out of earshot, Soobin tries to call their eldest member. It rings three times and Soobin starts to worry that he’s not going to pick up when the call finally connects.

  
“Hello?” A cold voice answers.

Soobin takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself this time before speaking.

“Hyung, I,” the leader hesitates, “I’m sorry. I wasn’t really angry at you. I was angry at myself and I was frustrated that I kept getting the steps wrong and I took it out on you and I’m sorry. I know that’s not an excuse, and I really am sorry. I’m actually calling because we’ve also got an issue and I need your help.”

There’s a long pause and Soobin feels himself starting to spiral when the oldest sighs deeply. Soobin can picture him clearly running a tired hand through his hair.

“I forgive you, but Soobin-ah,” Yeonjun trails off.

“Yes?”  
  
“Next time, just talk to me. Also, I’m sorry for what I said earlier too and what’s the issue?”

It’s a good thing that Yeonjun forgives easily. He’s not one to hold grudges. Soobin can hear the concern in the older boy’s voice and it simultaneously touches him that he cares so much about all of them and also guilty since he’s responsible for what’s happening.

“I will. Anyway, Taehyun’s missing. Once you left I turned around and he wasn’t there anymore. Kai said that Taehyun flinched away from him when he tried to help and that he looked really frightened. We’re trying to look for him now, but we could use your help. Kai said that he’s probably hiding somewhere quiet and dark,” Soobin explains rapidly.

He can hear panting on the other end and knows that Yeonjun is already on his way.

“Ok, I’m coming. I’ll be there in five. If you find him before then call me,” is all the rapper pants.

“Got it.” 

Soobin then ends the call and jogs out of the practice room to go search for Taehyun too. He desperately hopes that Taehyun is ok. He feels incredibly guilty because he’s almost one hundred percent sure that it was the fight that scared Taehyun and he needs to know if he’s ok. He needs to let him know that Soobin isn’t angry with Yeonjun or any of them. With that thought, Soobin picks up the pace. They’ve got to find him.


	2. Chapter 2

It’s dark and quiet in the conference room Taehyun has taken refuge in, except for his crying, but it’s close enough. The dark helps him not get overwhelmed by too many sights and the quiet helps him block out unnecessary sounds. Here, he can focus on calming down. He thought he could handle it, he thought he could do something to stop Soobin and Yeonjun but it was too much. Too many things about the situation brought back memories of his parents screams which lead to throwing things which lead to sometimes yelling at him which often led to one of them storming out. He hadn’t meant to flinch when Kai went to touch his shoulder, but he had. He knew Kai would never hurt him, but his body apparently didn’t since he reflexively dodged. He had seen the look of hurt and fear cross the youngest’s face and it killed him that he was the cause. That combined with all the yelling and angry expressions had been too much and he had bolted. 

He heard Kai call after him but he couldn’t bring himself to stay or wait. Kai hadn’t followed him, but it was for the best. Taehyun had hid inside the storage closet across the hall originally. It was dark, but it wasn’t quiet enough. A few short minutes later he heard the door to the practice room slam and he heard heavy footsteps as the person made their way to the entrance of the building. All his brain could process at that point was that one of his hyungs was leaving. He was being left behind just like his parents threatened they would do. That thought alone had sent him into a panic and he had tripped over something and ran his head into some object before he finally opened to the closet door. He stepped out just in time to see Yeonjun’s retreating back as he speed-walked away and that’s when he truly panicked.

He wanted to race after Yeonjun but his body felt like led and he just stood there, frozen, until he couldn’t see Yeonjun anymore. After that, he had forced his body to move and managed to make it upstairs to this room and turn the lights off before diving under the conference table. He had pulled his hood up over his head in an attempt to help drown out the sound and then spent a good couple of minutes riding out the anxiety attack. Even after it had ended, he had stayed sitting with his hood up and knees drawn to his chest because he was afraid of moving. So here he is now, huddling under a conference table at night, in the dark, trying to stop crying.

There’s a stinging sensation on his cheek made even worse by his tears which means he must have cut it when he tripped, but he could care less right now. All he can think about at the moment is Yeonjun. _ What if he never comes back? What if he got hurt? What if he leaves the group? What if he hates them now? It’s his fault. He should have gone after the rapper. He’s gone forever and he’s never coming back… _

“Is anyone in here?”

Taehyun whips his head up to stare at the door. He blinks slowly but doesn’t respond. He must be imagining things, no one else is here but the TXT members. Except that assumption is wrong. The door to the conference room opens after a few more beats of silence and then the light is flicked on. Taehyun winces but otherwise doesn’t move. He can see a pair of shoes and black skinny jeans but that’s about it. He holds in his other sniffles to try and not reveal his position, but it’s futile. The person doesn’t walk around so Taehyun thinks they may be scanning the room and hopes they leave soon, but they don’t. Instead, the person suddenly crouches down and Taehyun is met with Jimin’s concerned face. The older idol sits a few feet away from him since Taehyun had decided to sit under the opposite side and not in the middle, but he can still see Jimin’s face clearly.

Jimin’s eyes are swimming with worry and his frown tells Taehyun that he must look pretty bad.

“Taehyun? What are you doing here?” 

Maybe it’s the caring way Jimin said it or how genuinely concerned he looks, but Taehyun feels himself start to tear up again. He looks up at the table and blinks rapidly so the tears don’t fall since he doesn’t want to look even worse in front of his senior. However, Jimin is having none of that since he cares more about why Taehyun is upset in the first place. The dancer crawls under the table until he’s only a few inches away from the younger and gives him a comforting smile.  
  
“You don’t have to tell me anything, but don’t feel like you have to hold it in. I can tell you’re upset and if you want to cry that’s totally fine. I’m not going to judge you or anything.”

Taehyun sucks in a shaky breath and nods to show Jimin he understood. He doesn’t hold back his tears anymore and ends up sniffing a lot, but Jimin doesn’t say anything or judge him at all just like he said. He ends up having to use his hoodie sleeves quite a lot to dry his tears, but he doesn’t care. Jimin remains patient and doesn’t say or do anything. He just waits for Taehyun to make the first move and the younger idol is immensely grateful for that. Just his presence is enough and it helps ground him.

Once he’s finally calmed down enough and has stopped crying, he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. When he opens his eyes again he sees Jimin looking at him fondly and he tries not to blush. Taehyun slowly uncurls from his bunched up position and then pulls back his hood back. Jimin lets out a small gasp and Taehyun worriedly locks eyes with him.

“What happened to your cheek?” 

Taehyun reaches up and touches his right cheek where it stings and it comes back with some blood. It’s not a lot, but he’s definitely scratched himself.

“Oh. I must have run into something when I tripped,” he explains tentatively.

“We should go find a band-aid for that. Are you ok to move?” Jimin asks kindly.

“No it’s ok! I’ll get one when we get back to the dorm. Thank you so much for everything sunbaenim!” Taehyun answers, significantly more at ease.

Jimin laughs brightly.

“It’s no problem! Make sure to clean it first when you get back. Also, call me hyung. We’ve been over this with you guys before,” Jimin teases.

“Ok hyung,” Taehyun smiles.

“Jimin-ah! Are you up here?” Someone yells.

The dancer rolls his eyes. He looks at Taehyun for permission to tell whoever is calling him to tell him what’s going on and the younger nods.

“Yeah, I’m up here hyung!” The dancer shouts back.

Taehyun flinches slightly and Jimin notices.

  
  
“Oh sorry! I won’t yell next time,” he apologizes.

  
  
“It’s ok, really. Just a little on edge right now.”

Jimin nods and then tells Taehyun he’ll be right back before scooching out from under the table and dipping out of the room. The brunette can hear hushed voices a minute later and knows Jimin is talking to whoever was calling for him. He trusts Jimin though, and he’s also too tired to care who knows that he’s up here at this point. He fiddles with his right hoodie sleeve which is damp from his tears as he waits for Jimin to come back. His mind starts to wander again when he suddenly hears rapid footsteps and his heart starts to race again.

“Oh! Sunbaenim! Good to see you!” 

_ That’s Soobin _his mind helpfully supplies.

“Soobin-ah! What are you doing here?”

“Actually we’re looking for Taehyun. Have you seen him?”

That statement makes his heart flutter in a good way and he starts to hope that everything might be ok.

“Did something happen?”

  
  
“Yoongi-hyung! Sorry about him.”

  
  
“It’s ok. Yeonjun-hyung and I got into an argument and I think that we scared him. It’s my fault, I shouldn’t have started the fight in the first place, but now Taehyun’s missing and I need to find him,” the leader tells the pair.

“Ah, I see. Yeah, I have seen him follow me.”

Taehyun is once again grateful for his seniors because even though he wants to leap up and run to Soobin, he doesn’t have the energy. Jimin and Yoongi will be here soon though with Soobin. It’s not long before multiple pairs of feet step into the room and then Soobin is ducking under the table. He scans the area for about a second before his eyes land on Taehyun and then the leader crawls over to sit in front of him. 

“Oh, Taehyunnie,” Soobin breathes sadly.

The vocalist feels his eyes starting to get glassy again and he internally curses. He thought he was done crying. Soobin reaches out to touch Taehyun but then stops midway. He looks at Taehyun for permission and the younger just surges forward into him as an answer. Soobin’s arms come around to hug Taehyun back and the shorter boy embraces the affection.

“Are you ok?” Soobin whispers.

“I will be. Where are the others?”

At the mention of the others, Soobin asks Taehyun to sit back a little bit, which he does reluctantly, so he can pull out his phone. The leader types out a message and sends it before making eye contact again.

“Are you ready to go back to the dorm? I told the others to meet us by the entrance.”

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Soobin ruffles his hair and then lets Taehyun get out from under the table before he follows. Once they’re both standing up Soobin suddenly turns to face Taehyun again and brings up a hand to his right cheek. His hyung’s thumb brushes under the cut on his cheek and he pouts.

  
  
“I’m fine hyung! Really, I’ll wash it and put a bandaid on it once we get back.”

“Alright, if you’re sure.”

“You sound a lot like Jin-hyung,” Yoongi comments from where he and Jimin are waiting outside in the hallway.

  
Soobin smiles.

  
  
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyway, thank you so much for your help and for watching over Taehyun.”

  
  
Soobin leads the two of them out of the room and they bow to the two older idols. Yoongi just gives a small smile and Jimin shakes his head.

“Don’t mention it! That’s what hyungs are for, and don’t hesitate to call us if you ever need help with anything!”

  
  
“We will!”

  
They all say their goodbyes and then the two BTS members walk to the opposite end of the hallway to go retrieve Yoongi’s forgotten bag in a different room while the TXT members head towards the stairs. Soobin makes sure to put an arm around Taehyun’s waist and the shorter doesn’t miss how his hold tightens protectively when they actually step into the elevator. In response, the younger grabs onto the back of Soobin’s shirt and tugs slightly in a clingy gesture. Soobin smiles down at him and when the elevator opens he lets the older singer just guide him along. 

They turn the corner and Taehyun instantly sees the other members pacing by the entrance. They look extremely worried and he feels guilt and shame pool in his stomach. Before he can dwell on it too long, the other three spot him and come running over. Soobin relinquishes his hold on Taehyun so that the others can dote on him too and he soon finds himself being swarmed by his other friends. Kai has brought him in for a suffocating hug, Beomgyu is back hugging him, and Yeonjun and Soobin are on the sides effectively making it a group hug. Taehyun lets himself revel in all the attention and comfort a little bit before deciding that he needs to breathe properly. Kai has gone full-on koala and he’s squeezing a little too hard, not enough to hurt, but Taehyun thinks he needs to end the hug now.

“K-Kai you’re squishing me!” Taehyun squeaks out into the other’s hoodie.

“Oh! Sorry!”

The maknae instantly lets go and steps back a little bit as do the others. Taehyun exaggerates taking a deep breath just to tease Kai for his tight hug and they all laugh. Kai pouts at him, but he’s not really upset since he sees the other smirk right after. Taehyun smiles back at him and then looks around to make sure all the members are accounted for. When he spies Yeonjun he’s suddenly overcome with a strong desire to cling to the other and never let go, but he tries to suppress it. He’s just glad his hyung came back. He ends up just sticking his hands in the pocket of his hoodie to try and cope with the feeling.

The members all ask him if he’s ok and about the cut on his cheek and he tells them multiple times that he’s fine now and that he’ll explain when they get back to the dorm. Soobin tells him he doesn’t have to force himself, but Taehyun knows that now if the time to tell them so he insists on it. After that, Soobin calls their driver to come to pick them up and the five of them stay huddled together by the entrance while they wait. Taehyun had slowly made his way to each member, giving each of them a hug and reassuring them that he’s ok, but in the end, he went back to standing next to Yeonjun.

Part of him is still gravitating towards the older, probably because he'sstill anxious about his hyung leaving earlier. He wanted Yeonjun to just hold him and be as close to him as possible. It was a weird sensation, he had never felt this way towards anyone before and it was slightly scaring him. He was unnerved by how needy he was feeling but he also just wanted to give in. Yeonjun seemed to sense that he was having some internal battle because he wasted no time and looping an arm around Taehyun’s shoulders and pulling him in for another hug. This was Yeonjun’s way of comforting all of them and Taehyun was glad for his hyung’s affectionate nature at the moment.

The rapper gently leans down a little bit to rest his head on top of Taehyun’s and lets the other cling onto him. He feels how tight the maknae line member is grabbing the back of his shirt and feels a mixture of protectiveness and concern swell inside of him. Taehyun doesn’t have a problem being affectionate with them, but he’s never latched onto them this hard before. It leads Yeonjun to believe that something else is wrong, but he remembers Taehyun telling him that he’ll explain later so he doesn’t mention anything. He just tightens his hold and hopes that he’s providing enough comfort. 

They stay in the position until the car finally pulls up and Soobin mouthes for Yeonjun to take care of Taehyun. The rapper ends up having to pull along a half-asleep singer, but eventually, they all get into the car and make their way back to the dorm. The four of them silently watch over their second youngest member the whole drive back. He fell asleep within five minutes on Yeonjun’s lap and the dancer gently played with his hair the whole time. They all quietly agreed to let Taehyun sleep as long as he needed to and Yeonjun was tasked with carrying him up to the room when they arrived, not that he minded though. Taehyun looks exhausted and Yeonjun feels his heart clench in sympathy. 

When they finally arrive back at the dorm, the other members get out first and then wait for Yeonjun and Taehyun. Yeonjun carefully moves the smaller boy off his lap and stands up when he suddenly feels someone latch onto the end of his shirt. He comes face to face with a now wide-awake Taehyun who is staring back at him with fearful eyes.

“Don’t go,” he begs desperately.

Yeonjun feels his heart break and he goes to say something when Taehyun yanks his hand back. He now looks just as confused as Yeonjun feels. It’s as if he can’t quite believe what he said.

“Sorry I don’t know where that came from,” Taehyun murmurs.

  
“Taehyunnie look at me. It’s totally fine. I’m not going to leave. I’m just going to step out of the car and then I’ll carry you upstairs. Is that ok?”   
  
“Yeah.”   
  
True to his word, Yeonjun gets out first and then he waits for Taehyun to step all the way out before scooping him up bridal style. The vocalist wraps his arms around Yeonjun’s neck and everyone else coos at him. Taehyun’s ears turn pink at the attention and he turns his head into Yeonjun’s chest. Despite what he thought, none of the members teased him, and he’s grateful for that. Kai walks next to Yeonjun and Beomgyu and Soobin make up the front. The group makes their way inside the building, goes up the elevator one floor, and then the leader opens the door for all of them.

The first thing Yeonjun does is sit Taehyun down on the sofa with the others so they can all cuddle while he goes to find the first aid kit. When he comes back Taehyun is leaning against Kai with Beomgyu sitting on his left holding his hand and Soobin sitting in front of the sofa resting his hand on Taehyun’s knee. 

“Alright guys I’m going to need to borrow Taehyun real quick,” he warns them.

  
  
Soobin shifts over just enough so Yeonjun can stand directly in front of Taehyun and the oldest crouches down a little bit so he can reach comfortably. He pulls out a wipe from the kit first and cleans the cut on Taehyun’s cheek. When he winces Beomgyu squeezes his hand to let him know he’s there and Kai gives him an encouraging smile. Then Yeonjun pulls out a yellow band-aid, Taehyun’s favorite color, and gently places it over the wound.   
  


“There we go!”

  
  
Yeonjun stands up straight and puts a hand on his lip, looking proud of himself, and they all laugh.

  
“Thanks hyung!” Taehyun beams.

“Of course!”

  
  
The rapper then flops down beside Soobin on the floor but he turns around so he can face Taehyun. The leader copies him and now they’re all sitting in a circle waiting for Taehyun to make the first move. None of them rush him and they all allow him a few moments to gather his thoughts. The brunette has taken his hand back from Beomgyu and is fiddling with the strings on his hoodie while he tries to remember what he had written down earlier in the afternoon. He doesn’t have the energy to get up and go get the speech he had written earlier and he thinks that it will be more natural this way. He just needs to calm his nerves and remember that none of the members are going to judge him in any way.

Taehyun clears his throat to signal that he’s ready to talk and then all eyes are on him. He feels himself physically wanting to shrink back under the scrutiny, but he tamps it down.

“So I want to start by saying sorry,” he begins neutrally.

“What?!” Comes the collective response.

“Wait wait, just let me explain,” Taehyun placates.

He sees his four friends’ confusion and he tries to give them what he hopes is an understanding expression. 

“I know you’re confused but I feel like I do owe you guys an apology for not saying this earlier. I’m sorry for not telling any of you why I’ve been acting so weird the past couple of weeks. It’s just that I was struggling with something from my past and I’ve never really told anyone before and I wasn’t sure how. I know I should have said something earlier, and I wanted to but-,” he trails off.

“Taehyun.”

  
  
The singer looks down to see Soobin staring at him gently.

“Thank you so much for telling us, and you don’t need to feel bad about not saying anything earlier. I know it was probably really hard for you and I’m just glad you’re telling us now. Whatever it is, you can tell us and we won’t judge you. You can always talk to us f you’re having a hard time with anything, and this applies to everyone. Don’t hesitate to confide in another member. We’re here for each other.”  
  


There’s a collective nod of agreement and then Soobin signals Taehyun to continue.

“So you guys know I don’t really like to talk about my parents, but you don’t really know why. The truth is I avoid talking about them and my childhood because my parents used to fight all the time when I was growing up. They would yell at each other almost every night and sometimes they would throw things or drag me or one of my siblings into it.”

  
  
He hears Kai let out a surprised gasp and he doesn’t dare look up because he knows he’ll just see everyone’s sad faces and then he’ll start crying again. He needs to make it through this so it can finally be off his chest, so he just stares at his hands while he continues to wring them.

“A lot of times after my parents would fight, one of them would storm out and then not come back for a long time and that always scared me. To be honest, that probably scared me more than the shouting and constant reprimanding. I was always terrified that one of them wouldn’t return and I think that’s one of the main reasons I freaked out earlier. The fighting during practice just reminded me too much of my parents and I didn’t want you guys to get hurt. I wanted to help but I didn’t know what to do and then it got to be too much and I ran. Then I saw Yeonjun-hyung leave and I panicked because I thought he wasn’t coming back. It just brought back so many bad memories and feelings so that’s why I went and hid in the conference room. I had to get away and I needed somewhere quiet. I’m sorry I ran,” he finishes timidly.

He did it. He finally told the members his longest kept secret and it feels good. He’s no longer being crushed by the weight of his secret and he actually managed to make it through without crying. He’s feeling pretty proud of himself. When he looks up to see the others’ reactions, he finds all of them either crying or about to. It catches him off guard and he gapes at them, unsure of what to do.

“Taehyun, thank you for telling us,” Yeonjun reiterates sincerely.

Taehyun can only nod back before he’s once again being hugged from all sides. His hyungs and Kai all repeatedly tell him that they are grateful that he told them and that he has nothing to be sorry for. Soobin and Yeonjun both apologize for fighting in front of him and he easily forgives them. He knows those two can’t hold grudges and that the fight wasn’t too serious. Beomgyu has gone back to holding his right hand again and Kai has looped his arm with Taehyun’s so they can be closer. Yeonjun and Beomgyu both voice their very negative opinions about Taehyun’s parents while the other two just nod along. Yeonjun tells him again that he can always rely on them and that gets everyone emotional again. Taehyun is touched by how understanding and comforting they all are that he has to try really hard not to cry.

Soobin and Yeonjun break the hug this time and they go back to sitting on the floor in front of the sofa after a few minutes. They all sit in silence and try to digest what Taehyun just told them when Yeonjun asks a question after they’re all comfortable.

“Hey, Taehyunnie.”

  
  
“Hmmm,” the other hums back.

“Is this why you haven’t been sleeping well for the past couple of weeks?”

  
  
“Yeah. Sometimes I get nightmares about what my parents used to say or them walking out. Sometimes it’s other things like one of you guys leaving.”

Yeonjun nods in understanding.

“We’re not going to leave. We’ll tell you as many times as you need. But I do want to help you with the nightmares.”

  
  
“Yeah what can we do?” Soobin asks.

“I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it,” Taehyun says honestly.

“Would it help if one of us slept with you? Beomgyu suggests.

Taehyun tilts his head to the side as he considers what Beomgyu said. The majority of his nightmares do deal with his fear of being abandoned so maybe it would help to have someone with him at night. But he’s not sure how that would work since he’s on the top bunk and the beds are small. It wouldn’t make sense to cram into bed with someone every single night.

“I would like that, but I don’t know if that’s a good idea for every single night. It's going to be too cramped and I don’t want to bother anyone.”

  
  
“You’re not bothering us Taehyun. We want to help you! I’m sure there’s something we can do. What if we all spend time together right before bed until you fall asleep? It doesn’t have to be all of us all the time unless you want that. We’ll just make sure you aren’t alone before bed and then once you’re asleep we’ll all go to our own beds,” Yeonjun explains.

“Yeah, and if you have a nightmare don’t hesitate to wake any of us up. You can just come to cuddle with us if you ever need to,” Beomgyu adds on.

Taehyun grins brightly at all of them.

“I like that plan!”

He lets out a yawn not even a second later and everyone chuckles at his cuteness.

“I guess that’s our cue to get ready for bed.”

“Hyung?”

  
  
“Yeah Taehyun?

  
“Can we all sleep together tonight?”

  
  
“Sure,” the leader concedes.

  
  
“Yes! Giant cuddle pile!” Kai shouts happily.

Soobin watches the members all scramble up to go get changed and grab pillows and blankets to bring back. As Taehyun passes by, he makes sure to give him another quick hug before letting him go. In a matter of minutes, everyone is in pajamas and rearranging the various pillows and blankets they’ve brought into the living room. There’a lot of giggling and goofing around before they finally figure out a good arrangement that satisfies everyone. Taehyun has ended up in the middle of their cuddle pile with his head on Yeonjun’s chest, Kai attached to his left side, Beomgyu’s fingers interlaced with his as he lays by Taehyun’s head, and Soobin using his thigh as a pillow. It’s nice and warm and Taehyun loves the comforting feeling he gets from being surrounded by his favorite people. It’s safe and relaxing and Taehyun wouldn’t trade it for anything. 

It doesn’t take them long to drift off to sleep because of the hectic day they’ve had, and Taehyun welcomes the tiredness for once. He can feel that tonight is going to be ok and that he’s not going to have a nightmare. It’s an amazing feeling and he’s about to fully drift off when he feels Yeonjun's hand come up to brush the hair back from his forehead.

“Are you awake?” The oldest whispers.

“Yeah,” Taehyun whispers back.

“I just wanted to say thanks for trusting us with your secret. I want to make sure that you know you can come to us with anything and that we’re here for you. Your past may not have been the best, but I know that your future will be and we’ll always be here if you need us.”  
  
Taehyun is glad that the others have fallen asleep and that the lights are off so no one else can see him crying again. They’re happy tears of course, but he’s had enough of crying today. Taehyun sniffles a little bit and turns his head to look Yeonjun in the eyes. The sliver of light streaming in through their curtains is just enough for Taehyun to see how earnest Yeonjun is and to see that his hyung is also emotional.

“That was really sentimental hyung,” Taehyun begins and he quirks up a smile when he sees Yeonjun pout at his teasing, “But I appreciate it. I know that I can trust you guys. It’s sometimes hard to express it but I really do trust all of you and I’m really glad you’re my friends!”

Yeonjun gives him one of the sweetest smiles he’s ever seen before he leans forward and presses a kiss to the top of Taehyun’s head from where he’s laying on the older’s chest.

“Love you Taehyun.”

  
  
“Hyung that’s too sappy! What am I supposed to say now?” The vocalist whisper whines.

“Say it back,” Yeonjun teases.

Taehyun rolls his eyes and makes sure Yeonjun is watching before smiling wide and replying.

  
“Love you too hyung,” and he means it.

**Author's Note:**

> Do NOT repost to other sites without permission!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The past is somewhere I don’t want to go](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25370341) by [orphan_account](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account)


End file.
